


Show Me The Sun

by twenty_one_plants



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Neurodivergency, Neurodiversity, Self-Harm, Synesthesia, This is kinda a nod to my old fic tie a noose around your mind, and it ends up being DID and like yeah, but it’s actually written correctly lmao. Oops, did, joshler - Freeform, no demonizing mental illness here kids, that Blurry was alive and was just terrified, this is also heavily inspired by the “dont go on stage” thing they showed at concerts about josh, where Tyler is hurt by blurry but then they figure out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-14 09:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15385809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twenty_one_plants/pseuds/twenty_one_plants
Summary: Josh experienced it all.Tyler’s journey of fear and confusion with Blurryface haunting and harming him. It all came down to a realization: Blurry was alive, was scared, and didn’t want to get hurt again like he had been in his previous life.Tyler was diagnosed with DID shortly after, Blurry his headmate. Things are calm now, gentle. Greens fill their lungs.They never spoke of colors that tangled in their throats.Josh feels a heaviness look over him, however. It’s too gray, sharp and yellow, biting him. Hidden behind a mask.Josh can’t tell Tyler.His head hurts and his mirror is broken.





	1. Broken Mirror

_ It’s throbbing in his head. _

 

Eyes glued to the plaster fading off the ceiling.

 

_ It won’t happen again.  _ But Tyler knew. He always somehow knew, and it made him so scared to think of what happened to Josh.

 

Josh feels weak twinges of red as he touches the tender spot on his forehead. He sniffles sharply, eyes fluttering before focusing down on his arms. Ugly roads of deep pink, faded scars that were still healing.

 

Tyler said he was writing a song for the boy. Tears well up in Josh’s eyes. He always messed up. Always ruined everything and always focused on the wrong things. He knows Tyler is fucking sick of it.

 

The breath in his lungs are escaping rapidly. Inhale, exhale. The blue in his lungs is suffocating. There’s a screen that filters his skin and words but it isn’t working anymore as his knees knock together while he presses himself to the furthest corner of the messy bed, floral bedding bunching up under his body. Josh feels the screen get stopped up with icky icky blacks and grays that slosh in a puddle of what once was pink and baby blue. It’s too sharp and suffocatingly green. It fills his nose and sprouts seedlings that itch so badly.

 

Josh feels himself losing it. Deep grays thrum in his body. A mask of a disguise, and who he is right now isn’t who he is at shows. It isn’t who he is when he’s sobbing into the bed, thinking about how often he messes up on stage, how he always fights the voice that speaks.

 

_ Don’t go. Don’t go out there. Stay here. Stay hidden, don’t speak. Never speak, for you are a man of feathers and spraypaint that has gone stale. You are a man of few words and sparkling constellations that fall mute under the hands of gods. You are nothing. You will always be nothing and the red roads traveling your arms is evidence enough. _

 

Josh finds himself cancelling plans with Tyler that day. Josh finds himself standing over the living room couch, staring at the masked face that lazily toys with a unfinished puzzle that lay set out on the coffee table.

 

“Why won’t you leave today? Please. Just leave. I want to be with Tyler.”

 

It doesn’t even look at him, just sighs. It breaks one of the puzzle pieces, the sound resounding in the living room. Josh flinches.

 

“Please, I just. I can’t handle you being here so much. Tyler can’t know about you.”

 

It finally turns to look at Josh with hateful eyes. It eats a piece of the puzzle, standing up and dusting off it’s black jeans. It grins through the mask, walking through Josh.

 

Josh is alone in the room now. He looks uncertain, then exhales nervously. “Looks like you’re letting me have fun today. Th..Thanks?” Josh smiles nervously, ignoring it and rushing to get dressed, inspecting the wound on his forehead. He frowns when he thinks about what Tyler is going to do when he sees it. Fussing and heavy questioning, he guesses. It’s their last year of high school. How much worse can it get? Maybe Tyler won’t ever know.

 

Josh grimaces as the mask flickers on his face, causing him to jump back. That’s not what he wanted.


	2. Seeing Through A Screen

“So what you’re telling me… is you tripped and fell into your mirror.” Josh flinches. Tyler could easily see through it.

 

“And you just happened to shatter your mirror, and you just happened to get a huge gash on your forehead, and you just….  _ Happened  _ to freak out when I asked how you were. Okay.” Tyler sets his drink down on the curb. It wasn’t sunny out, the sky felt a mute green. It was pleasant, Josh decides. Tyler stands up, dusting his jeans off as he looks up at the big Taco Bell sign. They had decided to get it then go back to Josh’s house. Josh takes a nervous bite out of his shitty taco.

 

“So you have the audacity to think I’d believe that story and you really thought I wouldn’t press you any further on the matter. You don’t know me well enough do you?” A playful grin dances across Tyler’s lips. Josh feels his chest grow a shivering pink color. Icy yet warm to the taste. 

 

“I don’t believe you, but I respect your privacy. Meaning I’m going to get you to tell me that you…” Tyler’s smile disappears and he frowns. Sits beside Josh. “You don’t need to hide hurting yourself from me alright? Like. I do my best to tell you.” Tyler reflexively turns his arms inward, hiding the light scars that scattered along his arms. “I don’t romanticize it, I don’t make it as a plot device for our friendship. It’s there and I just. I want you to know it’s not touchy. It’s not good, but it’s not some out there, obscure, taboo topic. We shouldn’t normalize it when we talk about it. But I want you to know you can tell me anything.” Tyler’s face is soft, petals of pink dancing in his eyes.

 

They had discussed Blurry. They had understood who he was and Tyler still had the scars to prove it. His face had tiny dashes along it, but it was nothing that made him afraid of smiling his brightest. Blurry was sleeping nowadays. Tyler got a professional diagnosis of DID. Things were better now. Best friends going through it all.

 

Josh feels ashamed he hasn’t spoken of his own problems as outwardly. He was shy by design, and it wasn’t his fault. It’s just how he was. He didn’t speak much about his mental health aside from late night ramblings with a seemingly drunken text sent to Tyler. A couple texts. 

 

Okay, multiple walls of text and Josh hadn’t touched an ounce of anything intoxicating. 

 

Practically telling his whole life story to Tyler, Tyler listening and comforting him throughout the entire rambling mess. Josh was a wreck that night. But oddly enough, one thing never made it into the rambling tangent of spat out reds.

 

The one thing taunting and tormenting Josh. The masked thing that lived in his head and sat back lazily, whispering little black flecks of ink into Josh’s emotions that always managed to fester.

 

“Yeah. I guess I can tell you anything.” Josh stares at the last few bites of taco he suddenly felt too nauseous to finish.

 

“It’s okay, Josh. Take your time, though. I just want you to know that.” Tyler rests his head on Josh’s shoulder, chewing a salsa packet before it bursts in his mouth and he grunts in surprise. Josh can’t help but snort, scooting away from Tyler.

 

“There’s green shit all over your shirt.” Tyler doesn’t respond, just grabs napkins from Josh’s hoodie pocket and wipes it off.

Josh is tense. Dread fills him. The red hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yea gay


	3. Yellow Flowers

It’s that night. Which wouldn’t be too much of a bad thing, if it wasn’t for the fact that, in the way Josh was propped up on the wall and toilet, he was staring directly into his bathroom mirror. The memory of Tyler’s face covered in glass shudders through him. It’s too sharp, too gray and too much like the icky colors he learned. The bad colors that made him nearly vomit.

 

The mask is behind him, in the wall.

 

_ “You are not a human being. Who ever let you feel that? Why would they let you feel such a thing? I pitty a sad, sad little shit like you.”  _ It ruffles its feathers, hood tight on it’s head. The yellows that it gives off are beyond sharp, starting to cut into Josh’s lungs. It’s hard to breathe, and he stares himself in the eyes. Stare at the soft brown that’s familiar.

 

He figured if he just did that, it would go away. The sharp yellow yellow yellow that fills his chest suddenly causes him to shriek nearly, covering his mouth as he topples down from his perched seat. Josh’s eyes.

 

His chest pulses, head throbbing from his place on the floor. The red trails hurt, tender from fear and isolation writing their own story. Josh hated to think of it like that. It felt like he was romanticizing the thing he was fighting, for years. 

 

Tyler knew better, of course. He always did. He could pick up a color change in Josh a mile away. Josh didn’t quite speak in colors, but Tyler opened him up to a new part of himself. 

 

Colors felt strong, and it felt too strong right now. The tears that bubble over as he cowers in the corner of the bathroom are thick, black and goopy. He feels them scorching on his wet face. 

 

_ “Why won’t you let me just take you and do what I want? It’s easier that way, Josh. It’s so much easier. You saw what I could do. Now your knees are scuffed and your breathing is labored.”  _ Stars dim on Josh’s skin as he feels himself grow dizzy. The room around him grows faint as he stares up at the masked figure, leering at the poor boy.

 

His reflection was clearer when it wasn’t him. He sees himself, watches as he’s filled with fear. He palms at the tears messy on his cheeks, eyes puffy and nose dribbling from the fear. The masked figure walks away, content. Josh can’t move from his space wedged almost behind his bathtub after the ordeal of that night. He falls asleep leaning against the tub, new blood drying on his head and knees. He was so scared.

 

Josh didn’t think it was possible that the masked figure was able to do that. Josh hid in the bathroom after spending time with Tyler and Tyler went home. Josh didn’t know. He hides in the bathroom, now, under the tub almost. 

 

The masked figure tells Josh that he’s worthless as a final blow while he sleeps. Josh already knows it, however. It didn’t count if Josh already felt that way about himself. Sickening grays. 

 

Then it made Josh’s eyes yellow.

 

That’s when panic sets in.


	4. Cold Hands, Cold House

He doesn’t remember waking up. Just feels a dull ache in his head, pounding and sharply thrumming as if he was on his kit. 

 

Josh sits up, dizzy and confused. The room tastes like gray, when stuttering letters freeze over. His eyesight is blurry. The room is cold from a window being left open. He lifts himself up from the floor and stumbles out of the bathroom, hand guiding his way as he doesn’t dare look into his mirror. His parents still weren’t home from their vacation. 

 

After a bit of cleaning up himself and his house, he chugs a small can of Red Bull and drapes himself over the couch, staring at the stale, unfinished puzzle. Things in his head felt like shattered puzzle pieces that just wouldn’t fit together, wouldn’t work even for a moment. Scrambled eggs.

 

Josh is both hungry and feeling like his mind was scrambled eggs. He sighs, pulls out his phone, and texts Tyler.

 

 

  * __Hey ty. Can u come over whenever u can? I think it’s starting to snow and I’m lonely :(((((((__



 

 

Josh watches expectantly, yet the reply never comes. A read receipt comes in, the three dots of a lingering reply, then nothing. 

 

“What a bitch.” Josh mumbles half heartedly, throwing his phone to the couch. Yellow dipped hands caress his face, the pungent stench of rotting flowers fills the room and Josh nearly has an upset stomach all over the hardwood floor. A gentle knock on the door shocks Josh out of the deep colors. 

 

When Josh opens the door, there stands Tyler, scarf around his neck and beanie pulled over his ears. His nose and ears are pink and he’s wearing fuzzy gloves. “It’s cold. Let me in, jackass.”

 

Josh rolls his eyes, standing to the side of the foyer and watches as Tyler quickly dashes inside. It’s cold outside and cold in the house, but at least a little better. The sun didn’t come out anymore because of the winter months, winter vacation being the main part they could hang out so easily. The sun was yellow, but a safe yellow compared to what was always creeping over his shoulder, writing in yellow on his skin the darkest thoughts that Josh could be friends with. 

 

“I got your text and rushed over as fast as I could,” Tyler pauses, setting his things down as he stares at Josh. “Did you get enough sleep? Your bags are heavier than normal.” Tyler emphasizes the point by walking over and touching at Josh’s bags, brows furrowed. Josh flushes, pink flowers blooming on his cheeks where Tyler touched. Josh looks away, then mumbles. 

 

“When you looked in your mirror. Did Blur ever make your eyes turn red?”

 

Tyler’s blood runs cold.


	5. Blood Stained Bedsheets

_ Josh immediately regrets what he says.  _

 

He tries to pull away, but red eyes flicker when Tyler stares at Josh. 

 

“Josh…” Tyler starts slowly, bitter reds inked along his tongue, “What do you fucking mean by that. What is going on.” Blurry is awake. Blurry is shaking in his space, watching through the crooked windows of Tyler’s eyes. He huffs out, watching. Waiting for something to happen. 

Josh doesn’t know how to answer. Yellow drips from his lips as he pulls away a bit harder, Tyler blinking in surprise.   
“I want you to answer me, Josh. What is going on.” Tyler steps closer, and the mask flickers over Tyler’s face. _Sheer fucking panic._ Josh jumps back, eyes wide and afraid. 

 

_ I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so so fucking sorry. Josh scrambles to his bedroom. So many mistakes. Rotten flowers sprout from his throat as he coughs and coughs, running. Running.  _

 

Then the door of Josh’s bedroom is locked and he wheezes inside the room. Tyler knocks gently on the door. Blurry saw something and relays it to Tyler. 

**“There’s something else here, Tyler. There’s something. I don’t know what, but there’s something and it won’t leave Josh alone.”** Blurry paces in the headspace, trying to get a feel for the other entity. Yellow pungency makes him gag.

 

Josh rocks in place on his feet as he watches petals cloud the windows in his room. It’s his fault. He messed up. He shouldn’t have asked. Lip shaped words bend like metal as Josh shudders violently. There’s snow outside, theres blood in Josh’s mouth now.

 

_ What if I never wake up? _

 

Tyler picks the lock, letting himself in and freezing like the ice on the windows as soon as he surveys the room. Floral bedsheets disheveled, a locked box now sitting under the glistening cloudy white light that leaks in through the blinds. It’s open and Tyler opens it fully, confused before horror and flashing black and red in his mind. He needs a second.  
In the box are countless razors. A handful are on the bed, dots of terrible tastes lingering on the sheets. He shuts the box and jumps to his feet, looking around the room. Under Josh’s bed, under his desk, in his closet. That’s when the realization sets in. The cold draft from the open window shakes him to the very bone. 

 

_ Josh wasn’t in the room. _ Josh’s taste, smell, lingered in the room. Globby tears slide down golden cheeks as Tyler’s fingers card through his hair fearfully. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t call Josh’s parents. Tyler runs the whole way home, ignoring his bike that leaned against the side of Josh’s scuffed house. 

_ Josh wasn’t in the room.  _ Tyler runs into his house, tears streaked down his face like the blood and bile he felt in his throat. He sobs to his brother, to his mother. They don’t know what to do either. Tyler feels bitter orange and bitter reds fill him as he rushes back to Josh’s house. Winded, shaking, sobbing as he jumps back through the window and slumps onto Josh’s bed. It feels cold. It feels empty.

 

He slides the razors back into the box, the invitation enticing, but Blurry takes control of the body’s hands and makes sure Tyler simply stows away the razors, locks the box, and puts it away. Tyler whimpers a soft thank you to Blurry, but Blurry doesn’t respond.

 

He’s still trying to figure out what the yellow pungency was. He’s trying to shuffle through what amount of Tyler’s memories reflect any form of prologue to the events that transpired only a half hour ago. It felt like years.

Tyler is nearly inconsolable. Blurry hugs Tyler gently, silently, affection still new. 

 

“I don’t know wh-where he is. Fuck. He won’t text me. He won’t. I’m scared. I’m so f-fucking scared.” Tyler curls up tight in a ball on Josh’s bed, cold stuffed animal that was Josh’s held tightly to his chest. “I’m so scared he’s hurt. I’m so scared.”

**“....”** Blurry watches in confusion. He’s trying to figure this out. When he made Tyler’s eyes turn red the first time… it was to make him afraid, make him slam his head into.. The mirror.. Just…

 

Blurry jolts.  _ Fuck.  _ **“Tyler. He asked about the mirror. When… I made you hit your head in the mirror… I made your eyes red. I was trying to scare you. I…”** Blurry rubs his face, turning away from the windows that are Tyler’s eyes.

Tyler sits up a little, knees to his chest. “What are you saying?” Apprehensive. Trusting of Blurry, but still afraid. 

**“..What I’m saying… is that maybe. Something is hurting Josh. Something is making him do this. Maybe… someone’s there. Like me. But they’re scared too.”** The pungent yellow couldn’t leave Blurry’s nose. He silently sits in the headspace, unsure of what to say. 

Tyler is sobbing. Blurry isn’t good with consoling people. He tries shushing Tyler, and Tyler finally calms after some time. “I just want him here. I just. Want him here.”   
  


Blurry frowns.  **“I know, Tyler. I know. But it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. We’re going to find him. Just rest now. I’ll figure this out.”** Tyler nods, whimpering as he falls asleep. Blurry fronts, and sits up a little more, checking his phone. Tyler and him shared their phone now. Blurry’s red eyes flicker over text after text. Then he investigates the house, finds odd things. 

A shattered puzzle piece. The broken mirror in the bathroom. Other little things like yellow and petals and rot. 

  
_ Josh isn’t in the room.  _   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im hoping to start making the chapters a bit longer!! just slowy n shit lmao. also ooooooh spooky plot twist (its just a mess)

**Author's Note:**

> So lmao I did delete my old TANAYM fic oops????? My Bad. This is sorta a nod to it. Oops. It’s just gay and non-romanticized neurodivergency my dudes. Stay tuned fuckers


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